The Tale of Two Boys
September 5, 2010 Leave a comment
As promised, here’s the tale of two boys. This tale is completely different from the one I would have had to tell 2 months ago. This is me, after everything, reflecting on what’s happened. This is the enlightened and worldly me.
Let’s go back to June. My relationship with The Boy was certainly not what I’d expected, or really wanted. The physical contact between the two of us was…nonexistent. That’s not exaggerating. I wanted that to change, but I also didn’t. I wanted to feel normal, and like I was in a normal relationship, but at the same time I didn’t want that kind of stuff from him. There was an underlying feeling of repulsion. That probably should have been a pretty good sign that something wasn’t right, but The Boy was my first and I didn’t know any better. I had low standards.
During this time, I was getting closer and closer to BBF, and was starting to realize how much I enjoyed being with him. I had way more physical contact with him during the last couple months of school, and I liked it. Now, I didn’t cheat. But I used BBF as a footrest, elbow rest, chin rest, pillow a lot. And yeah, the thought that I could be happier with him popped into my head more than a few times. I wanted to give The Boy the benefit of the doubt though. Summer was coming up and I thought that would change things between us. That we’d spend more time together and actually have more of a relationship. Most importantly, I still thought that I would actually want that.
Then summer came. The Boy and I did not spend more time together. Now I didn’t even see him every day at school so we had absolutely no face to face interaction. Before we would have perpetual text conversations, but even those started to disappear.
Maybe… 2 weeks or so into the summer I was hanging out with one of my friends and was complaining about how neglected I was feeling. She wanted to be helpful and started texting date ideas to The Boy.
The next day when I got the text (yes, he did it over text. He’s a coward, what can I say?) saying that he felt too preoccupied and didn’t think we should continue to be in a relationship I was more mad and shocked than upset. Shocked that he was the one to do it, not me. Mad that he broke up with me before I got the chance to break up with him. Another sign that there was trouble in “paradise”. For months I had been dealing with the occasional thought that I really wasn’t getting much out of the relationship, and that I should just end it. Again and again, I had given him the benefit of the doubt and wanted to see things through.
And after getting the text, one of the first things I did was tell BBF. I ranted to him, and he cheered me up. As he said, The Boy clearly wasn’t right for me because he didn’t like Iron Man. By the end of the conversation on Facebook, I’d all but forgotten about The Boy. Okay, not really, but I was thoroughly distracted. And I was closer to happy than I had been in a while.