Epic Tale of Epicness

So, going back to my post before about why I went missing. I have been busy. And if you feel like back-tracking or you remember everything I’ve ever written because you’re cool (or obsessive) like that, Hypothesis #4 or the last Hypothesis was correct. Most of them were correct. You can probably figure out which ones on your own.

I got myself a boy. He’ll be known from now on as The Boy. Of course, this is a different person from Boy, who is Best Friend’s male companion. Figured that needed to be clarified.

First, the story of what occurred over Christmas Break. I typed this up for a friend while part of it was occurring, and freaked out. Names have been changed, of course, mostly because the character’s have their blog names and I want to avoid confusion by using their real names and… Moving on.

Okay, so last night, as you know, there was the zipper conversation*. He has his group of guy friends that I started calling the Maghreb Pack (Maghreb is Algeria, Morocco, and Tunisia, the French speaking African countries.)
Me- Question: When I get exciting messages from the Pack do you offer them your phone or do they say they want to talk to me because I’m wise like Yoda?
The Boy: They want to talk to you cause you’re wise…like Yoda.
M: Which in Pack Language means I’m a female human who doesn’t think they’re the weirdest freaks that ever existed.
TB: Well (Name) desperately wanted to talk cause I told him you were hot.
Side Convo
Me: Are you awake?
Best Friend: Yeah I am why?
M: How do I respond to this:
Well (Name) desperately wanted to talk cause I told him you were hot.
BF: WHOA BABY!!!!!!!!
BF: Oh my god!!!!! Well you are hot so, it’s a compliment girl!!! Want me to…talk to The Boy?
M: ….thank you?
I don’t know. I don’t know if he was being serious! Damn you texts.
BF: You’re pretty surround sound**! So want me to talk to him?
M: I ended up asking what texts came from that person. Because I had no idea how to address the 2nd part.
BF: I should talk to him, je pense.
M: Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh
If you do, be insanely subtle. You never saw that forwarded text.
M: My eyes seriously bulged at that.
BF: I can imagine! Did you get any other weird texts from him?
M: Um… Probably the most important other one was when I told him about a toddler at Old Navy ogling me.
BF: What was his response?
M: Hehe, a toddler thought you were hot. What kids learn from there chips these days.
And then I said:
I should get a shirt that says that. “Toddlers think I’m hot.”
And he said: I’ll get the same shirt cause I’m weird like that.
Back to Main Conversation
M: Was this the mountain lion or train person? Or were those texts from the same person?
TB:They were all shouting out things to write. It was odd.
M: Good to know. I’m popular with the Pack.
TB: You most certainly are.
Now the rest will be in Side Convo
M: Apparently I’m popular with the Pack.
BF: So he talks about you… I think he likes ya!
M: They like to steal his phone and text me. Generally about animal reproductive parts/boobs/ animal sex.
BF: …Whoah…
Give me an example of a txt they send.
M: This is The Boy’s friend, Buddy. I am worried that The Boy is having an affair with a kangaroo; a male kangaroo.
A Maghreb Pakian is currently doing a mountain lion. The noise is disturbing.
M: Did I tell you about the Youth in Revolt suggestion?
BF: No you did not. The Boy gave me a few weird clues about the person he likes…
M: What were the clues?
We were simultaneously watching Michael Cera AKA El Cerito movies (Paper Heart & Year One) and I said I want to see YiR. [Which got no response.]
Group fandango a la Paris?
BF: 4, village, cheesecake and hidden fork, you cant fly in the thirde trimester, before deep powder, and the chick took a dookie.
M: Mk….
BF:I was like… WHAT THE FRICK IM NOT A GENIUS
M: Yeah, those pretty much all mean nothing to me.
Fastforward
BF: Girlllll I raked up some info. Wanna know?***
M: Yay a ya
BF: He does think youre hot! Thennn I asked him if he would go out with you. And he said why not, lets have some fun with it. I would date her.
M: Are. You. Serious.
BF: Yes, 100% girl.
M: ARE YOU SURE YOU CANT MEET FOR A TWO SECOND GANG BANG????????****
FAST FORWARD TO LIKE RIGHT NOW
M: Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.
“So, I have a short story for you that will culminate in me asking you out. Mk? Mk.”

*This is in reference to when I taught him that girl’s jeans have zippers on them.

** My nickname in the group is Surround Sound. When prompted to come up with a nickname for me, The Boy was at an electronics store.

*** Yes, we talk like white gangsters.

**** As in meet up for a friend conference.

His story involved Harry Potter. The Boy gets me. We speak our own language of nerdy awesomeness. I’ll post the story at some point.

And… I’m happy. He was my best guy friend before this, and I thought I liked him on and off. Over the break I really started to understand how awesome he was, and how similar we are and started to miss getting to see him every day.

If you look through my tags, you’ll be able to find my past stories involving The Boy, and his previous blog identity.

Mamma Mia

While leaving a restaurant tonight, I was treated to getting to hear Mamma Mia en espagnol.

Last night I drove my dad to Best Buy so we could pick up our Christmas present of Band Hero before they were sold out. I got to drive up the express ramp (It takes you straight up to the 3rd floor of the parking garage. It’s kind of amazing.)

While he was in line, I decided to wander around. I picked an iPod up in its store security base thing and pressed the button to turn it on.

It didn’t turn on.

Instead, the alarm or something went off going “DEEEEEDLEEEEDEEEDLEDEEEDLE!!!!!”

So I quickly put it back and walked away. I should have expected it. These kinds of things happen to me all the time. Last year a hand dryer spewed sparks at me at school. At some point after the year started, someone carved a penis onto my locker. I trip over things. A lot. Almost did the splits the other day in study hall, so I try and avoid wearing my tractionless boots while in that room.

Not very exciting but it’s Wednesday and I still have 2 more days of school and one more day of doing homework until freedom. I’ll get excited after lunch on Friday.

Pas de Petting

Since I feel like writing more, and about none geeky things, I’m going to try out the whole pre-writing posts thing. Maybe I’ll become a pre-written blogger. Maybe not. I’m personally leaning towards the not, more because I like having my blogs be more…live.  I don’t want to share a story after it’s happened, or not be able to write about things because they interrupt my blog flow.

Why is it that my life always gets crazy on Fridays?

In study hall on Friday… Need to come up with a codename for this person…. Not KRY was being extremely weird. Now, I barely know NKRY. He’s been around for a while, but honestly, until a couple weeks ago I was scared of him. Mostly because of his former facebook profile picture which was like a manga creeper or something. He’s a friend of Boy, and may or may not have gone to the same school as me since 6th grade.

Anyways, through Boy, he’s assimilated partially into our study hall group. I have never really had a normal conversation with him. I know hardly anything about him.

When I walked into study hall he poked me in the side. No one else, just me. And somehow the conversation I had with him and Winger led to NKRY petting my head and later discussing the size of my chest. Yeah.

When I told Best Friend about this, she decided to ask Boy to find out if NKRY likes me. Which led to panicking. Because I honestly had no idea what I was going to do if he did. Best Friend wanted me to go on a date with him, but that was only so we could double. And NKRY still kind of freaks me out. I did not appreciate the head petting.

Finally Best Friend told me that NKRY told Boy that “he thinks a couple of girls are hot but he doesn’t like anyone.”

Yay!

And also, gah. If that situation changes I’m going to start living under my bed.

The Company I Keep

Today I had an hour long phone conversation (Yes, that’s a big deal for me. I got a message from AT&T the other day saying that I have 3,999 rollover minutes.) with Winger about… everything. It started out with me telling him stories about what happened during and after lunch today, since I don’t see him after break on A Days. I swear, he turns invisible or something. No one knows where he goes between classes. Anyways, my stories.

This is Our Future????

Today there was a French club meeting. It consisted of me, Best Friend, and two other juniors. All the others were freshmen (2 year olds) or Madame. We have a freshman at our school who turned 12 this September. No joke. She’s the one they toss around in cheerleading.

Anyways, we did a terrible job selling cheese dip and People en Espagnol so we need to organize another fundraiser. The brilliant baby business people came up with the best ideas ever. One of them included a yard sale.

Yes, earning two quarters and a piece of lint will really help the club out. Thank you, small geniuses.

It was so ridiculous that we left early. Also, me and Best Friend wanted to make sure we had time to pee before lunch was over.

Observation: Strange People Frequent the Bathroom

In the bathroom, we got to listen to an amazing conversation.

Girl: Yeah, ever since Thanksgiving I can’t smoke anymore. When I try to smoke I just start coughing. It’s so weird. Normally I don’t cough when I smoke out of a pipe but now I can’t stop coughing and I feel nauseous.

What were you doing in that bathroom? That’s the good, clean bathroom that always has soap and toilet paper. Of course, one time I also went there and found a collection of cherry tomatoes in the pad & tampon trashcan in one of the stalls. Just when I start to think that maybe my school is a little normal…

At the end of the day when I was walking to my locker there were random hooligans running around and being freaks. Some girl screamed at another girl “Greasy tits!”

I am so ready to leave for college.

Beavers, Backdoors, and Ponies

Now, for more on the actual Winger-Moi conversation. Winger and I are creepy perverts together. We scare people on a regular basis. Only today, he really won the creeper prize.

Somehow during study hall we started talking about beds. And that got to Winger telling us (the rest of the group minus him being female) that he slept in the nude once. Which caused a lot of twitching and faces frozen with looks of horror upon them. He also had to mention feeling the breeze.

During our epic phone conversation, we somehow started talking about beavers. I wanted to know if they made noises. While reading about beavers on Wikipedia, I discovered this:

Both beaver testicles and castoreum, a bitter-tasting secretion with a slightly fetid odor contained in the castor sacs of male or female beaver, have been articles of trade for use in traditional medicine.”

and

Claudius Aelianus comically described beavers chewing off their testicles to preserve themselves from hunters, which is not possible because the male beaver’s testicles are inside its body.”

We also started talking about horses when I mentioned finding my pony on a stick. You know:

I was wondering what all the different names for different ages and genders of horses were, so I looked that up too. After reading the definition of a gelding (castrated male horse), Winger called himself one.

He also read me the lyrics to “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch.” and tried to convince me to give my dog Rogain.

This is the company I keep.

November- Day 17

Another long day of homework ahead of me. I finished with today’s work. Showetime next. Maybe I’ll be awake enough to write. We’ll see. I feel bad about not writing the past couple days but… It’s not like I’m functional enough to write anything decent after hours of homework. 2 minimum days, a weekend, and then 3 days off next week. I will catch up, no matter what.
Math homework and another terms connection project tomorrow. I’m not going to over-exert myself and do more words than I need to like last time. More than I even got credit for… Oops.