Leer With No Fear

So, I have a bit of a headache right now, but I feel the need to blog. October has not been going nearly as well as September, although I have been managing my time fairly well. Also, I found out one of my teachers has an award-winning blog. Consider my ass kicked into gear.

Had an incredibly awkward moment with The Boy today. I was sitting out in the quad with a friend when he walked by, looking at me over his shoulder. Totally not subtly, or briefly. He just kept walking, head turned, leering. Can I help you with something? We can’t even talk but it’s okay to leer? I always knew he was a creeper but this was just plain uncomfortable. Especially after he ran away when my friend tried to talk to him yesterday when I was standing next to her.




Thursday, I Don’t Care About You

So, it’s actually Wednesday when I’m writing this and the following events happened today, but I really wanted this to be the title so I’m posting it on Thursday. Unlike the Thursday shirt I own that I never wear on Thursday.

Today I had my first face to face conversation with The Boy in over 3 months. There was a last minutey meeting today that I knew he’d be at, so it wasn’t entirely unexpected. I didn’t know the meeting was today, but I knew he’d be there. It’s not like I haven’t seen him since the break up. We go to the same school. Fortunately we have no classes together, but I still see him around.
I talked to him first. The avoiding is over. We agreed to be friends, but then he stopped talking to me so I didn’t bother trying. However, it’s hard to avoid someone when they’re sitting about a foot away.
I missed him for a week or two this summer and then on and off seeing him around at school. But after today? I won’t miss him ever again. Just listening to him talk I kept wondering how and why I wasted 5 months on him. I’ve got way better now. His charm has disappeared. I just sat there listening and thinking about how obnoxiously pretentious he seemed. Those 5 months… I wanted to want him. It’s clear now that I built him up in my mind. He wasn’t a real boyfriend and we didn’t have a real relationship.
Yesterday I was observing his younger brother with a pair of friends and we were joking around about him. One of my friends told me to tell the little brother I wanted to go behind the bleachers with him.
Me: EW NO! I didn’t even want to do that with his brother!

The Tale of Two Boys

As promised, here’s the tale of two boys. This tale is completely different from the one I would have had to tell 2 months ago. This is me, after everything, reflecting on what’s happened. This is the enlightened and worldly me.

Let’s go back to June. My relationship with The Boy was certainly not what I’d expected, or really wanted. The physical contact between the two of us was…nonexistent. That’s not exaggerating. I wanted that to change, but I also didn’t. I wanted to feel normal, and like I was in a normal relationship, but at the same time I didn’t want that kind of stuff from him. There was an underlying feeling of repulsion. That probably should have been a pretty good sign that something wasn’t right, but The Boy was my first and I didn’t know any better. I had low standards.

During this time, I was getting closer and closer to BBF, and was starting to realize how much I enjoyed being with him. I had way more physical contact with him during the last couple months of school, and I liked it. Now, I didn’t cheat. But I used BBF as a footrest, elbow rest, chin rest, pillow a lot. And yeah, the thought that I could be happier with him popped into my head more than a few times. I wanted to give The Boy the benefit of the doubt though. Summer was coming up and I thought that would change things between us. That we’d spend more time together and actually have more of a relationship. Most importantly, I still thought that I would actually want that.

Then summer came. The Boy and I did not spend more time together. Now I didn’t even see him every day at school so we had absolutely no face to face interaction. Before we would have perpetual text conversations, but even those started to disappear.

Maybe… 2 weeks or so into the summer I was hanging out with one of my friends and was complaining about how neglected I was feeling. She wanted to be helpful and started texting date ideas to The Boy.

The next day when I got the text (yes, he did it over text. He’s a coward, what can I say?) saying that he felt too preoccupied and didn’t think we should continue to be in a relationship I was more mad and shocked than upset. Shocked that he was the one to do it, not me. Mad that he broke up with me before I got the chance to break up with him. Another sign that there was trouble in “paradise”. For months I had been dealing with the occasional thought that I really wasn’t getting much out of the relationship, and that I should just end it. Again and again, I had given him the benefit of the doubt and wanted to see things through.

And after getting the text, one of the first things I did was tell BBF. I ranted to him, and he cheered me up. As he said, The Boy clearly wasn’t right for me because he didn’t like Iron Man. By the end of the conversation on Facebook, I’d all but forgotten about The Boy. Okay, not really, but I was thoroughly distracted. And I was closer to happy than I had been in a while.

Have It All- Every Day

(The above title might be a bit disturbing when you continue to read this post. It’s completely irrelevant. I was having a brain fart when it came to coming up with a title, and that slogan is on the poster right in front of me so… Stop reading so much into things, people.)

Wednesdays are always incredibly dull. There’s nothing on TV, ever, basically making Wednesday a waste of space. Nothing interesting ever happens on a Wednesday. My best days always seem to be the Friday before I have a break from school. It’s like some sort of requirement that shit has to hit the fan on that day. Anyways, I felt like blogging more. So I’m offering everyone (yes, I see you two people who hit and run my blog. You can comment, you know. I don’t bite. Generally. No promises. But you didn’t read that last part, because you’re too busy going to comment, right? Right?) a profile on The Boy.

Now, if you have no life you’ll know how That Girl and The Boy first got together. Not like that though, people. For those of you that have lives, it’s the first post The Boy was tagged in. (Hint: hubble) If you still have no life you’ll also know that The Boy is like a man prude. So the not like that is very true… Although my mother still seems convinced that I’m at risk for getting pregnant…

Now, I’ve mentioned The Boy before. He’s one of my most popular tags. If that doesn’t reek of romance, I don’t know what does. While you get a glimpse of the insanity that he is through those, I’ve never really sat down and stated the facts.

I’ve known The Boy for…. Close to two and a half years now. The first year was mostly a knowing of kind of deal. We had a class together, but honestly, I was slightly afraid of him. Not in the disturbed frightened way I am now. I guess. Anyways, let’s just call him intimidating. He looked incredibly intense all the time, and didn’t really speak to anyone (as far as I noticed).

Then last year we had two classes together. He also had a third class with Best Friend. I’m not entirely sure how, and really, none of us are, but somehow over the course of the year we became friends.

Then there was this year, when it was a much less loose friendship. We have three classes together. He would get coerced into stopping and talking at the locker occasionally. In… November I got his number and the phone calls and texts started.

And then came December, which led into January and… the asking and the dinner and the movie and aaahhhh.

There’s a brief history of him and me. And I realize I’ve said nothing about who he actually is.

The Boy is a nerd. He’s a big huge nerd, the kind that shows off his iPod box collection when he’s got a girl in his room alone with him, with the door closed and locked. He locks his bedroom door. It has a key. I’ve seen it. Like… a different key from his house key. He’s a nerd that needs a push and shove in the right direction from time to time, and for you to not be subtle. He names inanimate objects.

The following conversation is about Big Bang Theory which I just started watching two days ago and am hooked on. I watched 8 episodes in less than 24 hours…

Me: Which nerd do you identify with the most?

Him: I can relate to all four.

Me: I’m curious how you relate to Leonard.

Him: He wears glasses.

Me: Leonard better utilizes his intelligence.

Him: He has a super hot girlfriend.

Me: And?

Him: So do I.

Take Back the Blog- My Husband Dave

Don’t tell The Boy, but I’m planning my marriage to another guy. You may have heard of my future husband. He’s a bit of a YouTube star. He’s also got some songs on iTunes. I know, I have rather high standards. He’s quite a catch.

My future Mr. is Dave Days.

I found him yesterday. It’s been a rather short relationship.

This is my favorite Dave song. When we’re married I will make him sing it to me nightly. Yes, I’m a creeper. If you ever read this Dave (and I’m not sure how or why you found this…), I’m sorry, but I just can’t contain myself. You may want to run away now.

Or maybe you’ve seen this one. I’m ashamed of his relationship history, but no guy is perfect.

It could be a love story for us, Dave, just say yes.

[/end random creepy fan girl episode]

Put That Thing Back Where It Came From

So, expect the next month’s worth of blog entries to be very prom related. I have my girly moments from time to time. Prom is one of those rare occasions when I’ll be caught in public wearing a dress, and I’m actually excited about it.

I’m going whether I have a date or not. And currently… It’s the not category. Despite the fact that I should have a built in date. Because my built-in date is being a loser. I’m not even going to bother to make this password protected. If you’re reading this, yeah, I mean it. You’re being a huge dork. A huge not manly dork.

Today one of my friends asked The Boy what his plans are for prom while I was conveniently in another room. He’s not going. For now… And better yet? They started talking about Valentines’ Day (this was also the friend who inspired him to make plans with me then), and he talked about how he could have gotten me a tomato plant from the hardware store. A tomato plant. Die of jealousy, everyone.

And I don’t even like tomatos.

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I’m Only Gonna Break Break Your Heart

So, I’ve finally got some freetime and that means it’s time to update the old blog. I’ve gotten terrible at updating, I know. Still, this is the longest I’ve had a blog last, and the most I’ve ever posted in a blog.

Lady Gaga is coming to my town. The day before my birthday. Best Friend and I freaked out. I’m currently listening to a local radio station waiting for them to play two Gaga songs in a row so I can try to win tickets. Of course they didn’t offer any of the cheap tickets on presale yesterday. But I must get my hands on a ticket. The last time I remember going to a concert was when I was like 7 and it was for Radio Disney. Which hardly counts. The DJ is sadistic. I’ve gotten already to call twice and both times they played the wrong song after….

Boy broke up with Best Friend randomly. I haven’t spoken to him since, and that’s totally fine with me. I’m not missing out on much. She’s still got her hopes set on him, whether she wants to admit it or not. And… I’m sick of hearing her tell me things about him and how well she knew him. It’s just awkward and depressing. What am I supposed to say to that?

On Saturday I saw Remember Me with The Boy. It was… A very strange movie. It was much more depressing than I’d expected. And they used 9/11 as a plot device which…I don’t think is right. It’s one thing if you’re making a documentary but I don’t think something like that should be used as a way to *spoiler*bumpoffacharacter*end spoiler*.

I could write more but I want to get caught up on my blog reading so… I’ll leave it there.

On a more serious note

So, I’m ridiculously exhausted right now after staying up until…3ish at my friend’s house. We had an amazing good time full of insanity but I’m still exhausted. I woke up around 9:30 and couldn’t get back  to sleep because the room we were in has tons of windows and no curtains.

But that’s not what I feel like writing about right now.

My dad got a job offer.

More importantly, my dad got a job offer that is 4 hours away.

I will not move. Just a year ago I would have jumped at the chance to finally get away and live someplace else. I’ve lived in the same house my whole life. But right now?

No way. There is no way I am starting over at a new school for my last year of high school. I have better things to do than make entirely new friends and a niche for myself, like get into college. Sure, the schools are better but I’ve made my place here.

Luckily my dad doesn’t want to make me move either. We’re probably going up to see the town tomorrow or Friday. Right now some options are that he would get an apartment there and come home for the weekends, or as I suggested, I could live with my grandpa. I’d have my license and could make the 10-15 minute commute. Or… The option that the parental probably wouldn’t consider an option, they move and I stay here in an apartment by myself. Hehe.

I’ve reached a point where I’m finally actually really content with my life. And yes, The Boy is part of that.